I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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