Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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