i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
two words: eviction party
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
