He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
