My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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