I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
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Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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