How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
