did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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