Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
