5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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