Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
