This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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