You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
