Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
