the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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