dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't turn off my feet"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
soo... how was my night?
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