It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
