i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
