So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
