guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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