i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
