I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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