just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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