Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
