we made out on top of his cat.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
