I am full of burrito and curiosity
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
