Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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