I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
3 2 1 whiskey
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
