last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
