We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
