apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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