He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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