I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
