I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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