Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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