There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
