Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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