So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
