I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
