I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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