grandma shit on top of the toilet
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
