Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
ugly people sure do ruin things
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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