Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
