She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
