Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
