it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
