So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
