You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
