mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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