I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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