As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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