believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
