Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
