btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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