I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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