we should wear snuggies to the strip club
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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