so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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