We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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