Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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