i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
