I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
