Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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