I'm eating all of the evidence.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
