Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Operation Purity has been aborted
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
