just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Someone came in the potted fern
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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