great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
