please come you make the beer taste better
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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