He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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