That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
