M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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