I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm like, not good at living.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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